THE BISHOP OF BASS!
THE KING OF SPL!
THE BASS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!
--THE FUNKY PUP--
WARNING: PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY! BE SURE TO HAVE A GOOD WATER AND FOOD SUPPLY IN YOUR BOMB SHELTER
BEFORE PROCEEDING. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU PROCEED IF YOU HAVE HEART PROBLEMS, OR ANY INTENTION OF
KEEPING YOUR HEALTH IN TACT. TREMORS, BLACK HOLES, AND INTENSE MAGNETIC FIELDS MAY BE EXPERIENCED.
BITPUSHER2600 NOR ANY OF HIS AFFILIATES ARE RESPONSIBLE WHATSOEVER FOR DAMAGES OR LIABILITIES OF ANY KIND
RESULTING FROM VIEWING THE CONTENT OF THIS PAGE.
A SINCERE THANKS TO THOSE WHO WERE COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO
TAKE THESE PHOTOS.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO WITNESS:
THE WORLD'S MOST INTENSE, MOST POWERFUL, MOST HORRIFYING SUBWOOFER! IT HAS BEEN BANNED
BY THE LIKES OF THE IASCA, USACi, EMMA AND MANY OTHER PROFESSIONAL AUTOSOUND COMPETITION
CIRCUITS AND ORGANIZATIONS DUE TO AN INJURY THAT OCCURRED ONE YEAR TO A YOUNG
COMPETITOR. HE HAD INSTALLED SEVERAL OF THESE IN HIS VEHICLE, AND SIMPLY POWERING ON HIS
HEAD UNIT WITH THE VOLUME ON ZERO DOES ACTIVATE THE AMPLIFIER, THANKS TO THE REMOTE
WIRE. DESPITE MAKING NO SOUND, THE PUPS CAUSED BOTH OF HIS EYES AND NOSE TO START
BLEEDING, THEY THOUGHT THE PRESSURE ON HIS EYES COULD'VE POPPED THEM RIGHT OUT OF HIS
SKULL.
IT IS BECAUSE OF POWER LIKE THIS COMBINED WITH THE FACT THAT THESE SUBS WERE SOLD
IN BUSHELS
THAT EVEN THE MIGHTIEST OF COMPETITION LEGENDS, LIKE THE HYPER PRO FROM
PYRAMID, OR THE DHD POWER CRUISERS DO NOT REMOTELY COMPARE.
A SETUP LIKE THIS COULD COLLAPSE A SMALL ISLAND.
DON'T BELIEVE ME? READ ON.
HAVING REVEALED SUCH CLASSIFIED HISTORY MAY SEE THIS ENTIRE WEBSITE GETTING SHUT
DOWN SOON ENOUGH, BUT I FELT THE NEED TO GIVE YOU THE REAL STORY BEHIND THE MOST
LEGENDARY AND MOST DANGEROUS SUBWOOFER THE WORLD OF BASS HAS EVER KNOWN. WHY
SUCH EXTREME COVERUPS? HOW DID THE MEDIA BURY THIS SO QUICKLY?

IF YOU ARE STILL UNCONVINCED, DO SOME RESEARCH YOURSELF, AND TAKE NOTE OF HOW
DIFFICULT IT IS TO FIND THESE SUBS, OR FIND MUCH IN THE WAY OF HISTORY ON THEM. SOME
FOLKS WERE BOLD (OR CRAZY) ENOUGH TO POST VIDS OF THEM ON YOUTUBE. AT ANY RATE,
THERE ARE OTHER OLD SCHOOL BASSHEADS BESIDES MYSELF WHO HAVE SEEN, HEARD, OR OWNED
THESE SUBS. FOR YOUR BENEFIT AND INSIGHT, THEIR STATEMENTS HAVE BEEN QUOTED BELOW,
TAKEN FROM VARIOUS CAR AUDIO FORUMS.
-FUNKY PUPS-
As defined
HERE by Urbandictionary.com:

"the best subwoofa you can buy, the pink
surround adds deebeez"
"Pups can kill you. Be Careful." -Dyme_A-Duzin

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"Funky pups are not for the weak at heart." -mtlhead

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"Bass on a budget, no job, and you want pups...." -DBBOOM

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"I don't think you are ready for the Funky Pups" - mrogowski

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"Fear the pup." -Toasted1

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"If you have to ask, you are not ready." -"denim" of Soundsolutionsaudio.com

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"Dude, Chuck Norris won't even mess with the Funky Pup." -thevic24

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"Only the GODS can ATTEMPT to behold the Funky Pups. -aturcotte127317

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"View with caution." -Reson8

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"Funky Pup = EXCURSION. I think it's like 8" peak to peak." -J31Rob

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"A friend of mine has one 8" Funky Pup...in an armored tank! But he still cannot use it due to the
major earthquakes caused at a 30HZ tone, of his BOSS 8000 watt amp. Thing SLAMS at volume 1
out of 999999! -aturcotte127317

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"It eats amps alive. It takes juice straight from the battery!" -anj46907

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"Ownage son! Large 5" rolled accordian spiders for long throw." -andrew2944r

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"But you will later have to invest wayy more in fixing your car after those pups loosen up all the
nuts and bolts from the massive vibrations; and don't be scared if your heart actually skips beats,
it's common." -shorti

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A couple of pups tuned to the "brown" note = worldwide poopage." -rollerdj

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"100,000 Xplod subwoofers < 1 Funky Pup." -ProjectPechkin

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"Just 4 of these can make Steve Meade's shit look like a built in speaker on a fucking laptop!"
-c0smo kram3r

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"I would strap a pair of Sundown 3000s per Funky Pup. It will be underpowered but should still hit."
-groundpound4200

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"They are just mad that the mighty Funky Pupz blow away their shitty equipment with only a few
wrms free air!" -Linkz

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"The 2004 tsunami was caused by a single pup off an Xplod amp." -MysticStyl3z

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"The size of the box you use is irrelevant. Pups work in every box size and configuration that could
ever exist and that ever has. However, if you put too many together you may cause a rift in the
space time continuum." -DDeitz

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"They can take more than you can afford." -nineball

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"Looks beefy, I bet I could out bass Alan Dante with one of those, only problem is that the only way
I would be able to power one of those is by drilling a hole to the center of the earth to harness the
limitless geothermal energy." -PaulThompson229

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"I got me 13 Funky Pups in my 1932 Hyundai Modena. Each fed 300 watts from 16 super t class
amps which are thusly fed power by my flux capacitor, all from Kmart." -dennis09x

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"Those pups blew a few records! Almost blew my ear drums once. Made my windshield pop out! SPL
meter from Wal-Mart couldn't read at all it was so loud."
-GeneralGOTCHA

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"I hope one day I will be ready for them. I just need to get a few more T40001bds to be able to
actually meet RMS on one of those pups." -bumpin' buick

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"What to do in the event you happen to have 4 8" Funky Pups:
1. Buy a Honda CRX
2. Prepare the car for extreme SPL levels (cement everything, 1" bulletproof glass for windows,
bank of batts, alternators)
3. Wall the CRX with the 4 8" Funky Pups.
4. Burp them with 10 stetsom 7kds @ .5ohms
5. Win every competition you enter and break 190db"
-phil
BUT DO YOU WANT TO
KNOW THE REAL STORY??
I DON'T KNOW WHAT VEHICLE COULD ACTUALLY CONTAIN THE FUNKY PUP
SINCE DURING THE VERY SHORT TIME THESE WERE AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC,
IT HAD BEEN QUICKLY DEMONSTRATED TO PEOPLE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE FOR
THE FRAME OF A VEHICLE TO TWIST LIKE A PRETZEL RIGHT BEFORE YOUR
EYES. SOME HAD TO FIND OUT THE HARD WAY...BUT WERE THEY SUCKERS OR
VICTIMS?
IF YOU WERE TO LOOK AT THE TWO SUBS IN THIS
PHOTOGRAPH, WHICH WOULD YOU ASSUME IS WILDLY
SUPERIOR? IF YOU SAID THE SUB ON THE RIGHT, YOU'D BE
WRONG. THAT DUDE IS PITIFUL COMPARED TO THAT
BRIGHT AND PRETTY FUNKY PUP...BUT HOW THE HELL IS
THAT POSSIBLE?
WELL, THE SECRET IS OUT, AT LEAST SOME OF IT.

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 1995 AND 2005 BEGAN THE IDEA OF AN
UNKNOWN, "OFF THE RADAR" COMPANY TO CREATE THE
WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL SUBWOOFER, THE PICTURE TO THE
RIGHT IS THEIR PROTOTYPE, WITH THE POWER TO EASILY
COLLAPSE A TALL BRICK BUILDING. IT WAS DURING THE
INVENTION OF THIS PROTOTYPE THAT THERE WAS AN
"ACCIDENT", LABELED BY THE MEDIA AS A HELICOPTER CRASH
DIRECTLY INTO THE FACILITY.

IT WAS LATER DISCOVERED AND QUICKLY COVERED UP THAT
IT WAS NOT A HELICOPTER BUT A CRAFT OF UNKNOWN
ORIGIN. THE FACILITY WAS CLOSED FOR ALMOST A YEAR
BEFORE RE-OPENING AND SUDDENLY THEIR "MOST POWERFUL
WOOFER ON THE PLANET" SHRANK DRASTICALLY IN SIZE,
THOUGH MAINTAINING THEIR TRADEMARK PINK COLORING,
THIS TIME FOR THE SUBWOOFER'S SURROUND. IT IS BELIEVED
THEY INHERITED A TECHNOLOGY FROM OUTSIDE OF THIS
WORLD'S BOUNDARIES OR AT LEAST HAD HELP IN
REDESIGNING THEIR PROTOTYPE, BECAUSE THE LITTLE SUB
THEY CODENAMED "FUNKY PUP" HAD AT LEAST THE SAME IF
NOT MORE POWER THAN THE ORIGINAL PROTOTYPE, BUT AN
1/8TH OF THE SIZE!
WHILE IT IS UNKNOWN WHY THE COMPANY CHOSE TO SELL THESE
LITERAL WEAPONS IN BUSHELS TO THE PUBLIC, IT DIDN'T TAKE
LONG FOR SCATTERED INCIDENTS TO OCCUR THAT EVENTUALLY
MERITED GOVERNMENT INTERVENTION, INDEED THE VERY FAMOUS
IASCA COMPETITION ACCIDENT WAS ONLY ONE OF MANY CASES
ACROSS THE UNITED STATES AND THE GOVERNMENT OUTRAGE
WAS IMMENSE IN THAT THEY THOUGHT THEY HAD COVERED ALL OF
THIS UP, BUT THE COMPANY IN QUESTION HAD MYSTERIOUS
TECHNOLOGY AT WORK HERE AND PUBLIC SATURATION WAS A
CRITICAL MISTAKE ON THE BEHALF OF A GREEDY COMPANY OF A
FEW PEOPLE.

KEEPING ON THE HUSH-HUSH AS IS PROTOCOL FOR ANY
GOVERNMENT BLACK OPS, OWNERS OF THESE SUBWOOFERS WERE
TRACKED DOWN ONE BY ONE, AND WITH THE USE OF AN UNNAMED
SPECIALTY SQUAD, THE SUBWOOFERS WERE EXTRACTED FROM
THEIR LOCATIONS AND CONFISCATED IMMEDIATELY. WHAT
HAPPENED TO THEM, WHO KNOWS? WITH SUCH IMMENSE POWER,
THEY ARE LIKELY BEING STORED IN AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER
OR WEAPONS WAREHOUSE FOR USE AS A FINAL SOLUTION SHOULD
WAR ARISE. THE FUNKY PUPS WERE NOT SOLD FOR LONG AND THE
COMPANY WHO MANUFACTURED THEM SEEMS TO HAVE
"MYSTERIOUSLY" DISAPPEARED WITH ABSOLUTELY NO TRACE.

ONE LUCKY INDIVIDUAL HAPPENED TO HAVE A SMALL PEN-CAMERA
AND WAS ABLE TO CATCH PERHAPS THE ONLY KNOWN PHOTO OF A
FUNKY PUP BEING HANDLED USING SPECIAL EQUIPMENT BY THE
UNNAMED RETRIEVAL SQUAD.
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